今天想要來跟大家分享一本我最近讀的書，Lean In. 這本書是由Fortune票選為世界上第五大有影響力的女人，Facebook的COO，Sheryl Sanberg寫的，主要是從她的角度，她個人職場上和生活的經驗分享，談女性該如何面對困難在職場上佔有一席之地。她的經驗和我的許多困擾相符合，讓我得到了許多啟發。在這裡先不寫心得，跟大家分享我喜歡的幾個片段：
p.150-152 of 808 (iPhone page)
The goal of a successful negotiation is to achieve our objectives and continue to have people like us…women can increase their changes of achieving a desired outcome by doing two things in combination. First, women must come across as being nice, concerned about others, and “appropriately” female. When women take a more instrumental approach (“this is what I want and desire”), people react far more negatively.
成功的談判是在得到我們的目的的同時仍讓對方喜歡我們。女性可以做以下的這兩件事來增加他們談判的機會：第一，女生一定要表示得很友善（nice），關心對方，而且”女性化”。當女人的態度表示得太明確（”這就是我要的”），比較容易招他人反感。
....I have advised many women to preface negotiations by explaining that they know that women often get paid less than men so they are going to negotiate rather than accept the original offer. By doing so, women position themselves as connected to a group and to look out for themselves; in fact, they are negotiating for all women. And as silly as it sounds, pronouns matter. Whenever possible, women should substitute “we” for “I”.
(簡單來說以上在教女生談判時用”我們”取代”我”為主詞）
…But a communal approach is not enough…the second thing women must do is provide a legitimate explanation for the negotiation. Men don’t have to legitimize their negotiations; they are expected to look out for themselves. Women, however, have to justify their requests. One way of doing this is to suggest that someone more senior encouraged the negotiation or to cite industry standards. Still, every negotiation is unique, so women must adjust their approach accordingly.
但光是這樣是不夠的。女人同時也要為談判的條件提供合理的解釋。男人是不用這樣做的。他們天生就是從利己的角度出發。但女人不是這樣。一個解釋是有一個有經驗的前輩教你這樣做，另外也可以從那個行業的角度出發。當然每個談判都是不同的，所以談判的方式也不一樣。
...Telling a current employer about an offer from another company is a common tactic but works for men more easily than for women. Men are allowed to be focus on their own achievements, while loyalty is expected from women. Also, just being nice is not a winning strategy. Nice sends a message that the woman is willing to sacrifice pay to be liked by others. This is why a woman needs to combine niceness with insistence, a style..calls “relentlessly pleasant”. This method requires smiling frequently, expressing appreciation and concern, invoking common interests, emphasizing larger goals, and approaching the negotiation as solving a problem as opposed to taking a critical stance. Most negotiations involve drawn-out, successive moves, so we need to stay focused…and smile.
簡譯：女人最高的談判手腕就是要”很討人喜歡但很堅持”，作法是要不斷微笑，表達讚美和關心，表示興趣，談大目標，而且在談判表現出自己是個解決問題的人。大部分的談判是持久戰，所以我們需要不間斷的注意力和微笑。
p.200 of 808
One reason women avoid stretch assignments and new challenges is that they worry too much about whether they currently have the skills they need for a new role. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, since so many abilities are acquired on the job. An internal report at….revealed that women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100 percent of the criteria listed. Men apply if they think they meet 60 percent of the requirement. This difference has a huge ripple effect. Women need to shift from thinking “I’m not ready to do that” to thinking “I want to do that – and I’ll learn by doing it.”
很多女人會不想要嘗試很有挑戰性的新機會因為他們覺得自己能力不夠。很多時候能力不夠是自己告訴自己的，因為許多專業技能必須要等到工作後才能學到。報告說，女人總是要等自己的能力100%到達工作的要求才會去應徵，但是男人常常只有達到60%時就會去了。與其想自己能力不夠，女人應該要想，這是我想要的工作，我會去學所需要的技能。
p.202 of 808
Women are also more reluctant to apply for promotions even when deserved, often believing that good job performance will naturally lead to rewards…where women “expect that if they keep doing their job well someone will notice them and place a tiara on their head.” In a perfect meritocracy, tiaras would be doled out to the deserving, but I have yet to see one floating around an office. Hard work an results should be recognized by others, but when they aren’t, advocating for oneself becomes necessary.
女人常覺得努力工作就會被升職，但只有在一個理想世界是這樣的。當然努力工作需要被嘉獎，但是如果對方（上司）沒有發現的話，不妨讓他們知道。
p.212 of 808, 226 of 808
(describing a mentoring event)
…A mentee who is positive and prepared can be a bright spot in a day. For this same reason, mentees should avoid complaining excessively to a mentor. Using a mentor’s time to validate feelings may help psychologically, but it is better to focus on specific problems with real solutions. Most people in the position to mentor are quite adept at problem solving. Give them a problem to solve. Sometimes high-potential women have a difficult time asking for help because they don’t want to appear stumped. Being unsure about how to proceed is the most natural feeling in the world.
Mentee不該跟mentor多抱怨，與其抱怨，不如一起想出解決問題的辦法。許多mentor之所以站在mentor的地位，是因為他們是有能力解決問題的人。不要害怕提出問題。
p.253 of 808
I learn from Fred that effective communication starts with the understanding that there is my point of view (my truth) and someone else’s point of view (his truth). Rarely is there one absolute truth, so people who believe that they speak the truth are very silencing of others. When recognize that we can see things only from our own perspective, we can share our views in a nonthreatening way. Statement of opinion are always more constructive in the first person “I” form…
溝通的時候要明白我的意見是我的真理，而對方的意見是對方的真理。如果你相信你的想法是絕對真理的話，很多時候會讓對方無話可說。與其這樣，不如單純的表明這只是你的個人意見，談話會比較有建設性。
…Truth is also better served by using simple language. Office speak often contains nuances and parentheticals that can bury not just the lead but the entire point…People fear insulting others, especially the boss, so they hedge…When communicating hard thrush, less is often more.
越是實話越要用淺顯易懂的話說出來。特別是那種會讓人不舒服的實話。
…The ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak…As painful as this was at the time, reflecting someone’s viewpoint clarifies the disagreement and becomes a starting point for resolution. We all want to be heard, and when we focus on showing others that we are listening, we actually become better listeners.
聆聽跟說話一樣重要！
p.286
I no longer think people have a professional self for Mondays through Fridays and a real self for the rest of the time. That type of separation probably never existed, and in today’s era it makes even less sense. Instead of putting on some kind of fake ‘all work persona,” I think we benefit from expressing our truth, talking about personal situations, and acknowledging that professional decisions are often emotionally driven.
沒有人是可以把工作跟生活完全分離的。
p.297 of 808
“From an early age, girls get the message that they will have to choose between succeeding at work and being a good mother. By the time they are in college, women are already thinking about the trade-offs they will make between professional and personal goals. When asked to choose between marriage and career, female college students are twice as likely to choose marriage as their male classmates. And this concern can start even younger…when it comes to integrating career and family, planning to far in advance can close doors rather than open them. I have seen this happen over and over. Women rarely make one big decision to leave the workforce. Instead, they make a lot of small decisions along the way, making accommodations and sacrifices that they believe will be required to have a family. Of all the ways women hold themselves back, perhaps the most pervasive is that they leave before they leave…An ambitious and successful woman heads down a challenging career path with the thought of having children in the back of her mind. At some point, this thought moves to the front of her mind, typically once she finds a partner. The woman considers how hard she is working and reasons that to make room for a child she will have to scale back…Often without even realizing it, the woman stops reaching for new opportunities. If any are presented to her, she is likely to decline or offer the kind of hesitant “yes” that gets the project assigned to someone else. THe problem is that seen if she were to get pregnant immediately, she still has nine months before she has to care for an actual child. And since women usually start this mental preparation well before trying to conceive, several years often pass between the thought and conception, let alone birth…By the time the baby arrives, the woman is likely to be in a drastically different place in her career than she would have been had she not leaned back. Before, she was a top performer, on par with her peers in responsibility, opportunity, and pay. By not finding ways to stretch herself in the years leading up to motherhood, she has fallen behind. When she returns to the workplace after her child is born, she is likely to feel less fulfilled, underutilized, or unappreciated. She may wonder why she is working for someone (usually a man) who has less experience than she does. Or she may wonder why she does not have the exciting new project or the corner office. At this point, she probably scales her ambitions back even further since she no longer believes that she can get to the top. And if she has the financial resources to leave her job, she is more likely to do so.
談女人和女人為何不該在還很早的時候就放棄自己事業上的機會。
p.330 of 808
One miss calculation that some women make is to drop out early in their careers because their salary barely covers the cost of child care. Child care is a huge expense , and it is frustrating to work hard just to break even. But professional women need to measure the cost of child care against their future salary rather than their current salary…think of paying for child care as a way of investing in their families’ future. As the years go by, compensation often in creases. Flexibility typically increases, too, as senior leaders often have more control over their hours and schedules.
很多人會說自己賺的錢只夠付保姆費，於是辭職在家裡帶小孩。這樣的算法是錯誤的。當然保姆費很貴而且自己辛苦賺錢只能付保母費也讓人沮喪，但是職業女性必須要把自己”未來會賺的錢“，而不是自己現在賺的錢來跟保姆費相比。當時間過去，你的薪水會越來越高，工作也會有更多的自由度。
Anyone lucky enough to have options should keep them open. Don’t enter the workforce already looking for the exit. Don’t put on the brakes. Accelerate. Keep a foot on the gas pedal until a decision must be made. That is the only way to ensure that when that day comes, there will be a real decision to make.
如果你很幸運的能夠選擇辭職或繼續工作，你應該要把握你的機會。不要一開始工作就想著什麼時候辭職。不要停下來。加速一直到妳必須要做出選擇的那一刻。唯有這樣，當必須要做出選擇時，妳才能做出真正的選擇。
p.351 of 808
Anyone who wants her mate to be a true partner must treat him as an equal – and equally capable – partner.
你的伴侶，如果是一個真正的伴侶，那你們一定要站在平等的關係，而且要同樣有能力。
I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman make is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is. I don’t know of one woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully – and I mean fully – supportive of her career. No exceptions. And contrary to the popular notion that only unmarried women can make it to the top, the majority of the most successful business leaders have partners. Of the twenty eight women who have served as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, twenty-six were married, one was divorced, and only one had never married.
我相信對女人而言，在職場上最重要的決定，就是選擇一生的伴侶。一個成功的女人背後一定有一個支持她的男人。
p.373 of 808
When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated, and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.
當你在找伴侶時，我的建議是跟各種人約會，但是當妳要定下來時，找個人是跟妳站在同等地位的。一個相信女人應該聰明，有想法，而且有事業心的男人。一個重視公平而且願意跟你分擔這個家重擔的男人。相信我這男人存在，而且沒有比這樣的男人更性感的了。
p.397 of 808
Most of the women I know do a great job worrying that we don’t measure up. We compare our efforts at work to those of our colleagues, usually men, who typically have far fewer responsibilities at home. Then we compare our efforts at home to those of mothers who dedicate themselves solely to their families. Outside observers reminding us that we must be struggling-and failing-is just bitter icing on an already soggy cake. Trying to do it all and expecting that it all can be done exactly right is a recipe for disappointment. Perfection is the enemy. (some things have to be perfect, but other tasks could be considered good enough at 95%)…Done is better than perfect
我認識的女人都很擔心我們做得不夠好。我們把我們在職場上的成果跟我們的同事比（他們通常是在家裡做比較少事的男人）。然後我們把在家裡的成就跟家庭主婦比。外人也常常潑冷水告訴我們我們一定很辛苦常常事情都做不完。試著要完成所有事情，而且都要做到完美，只會讓自己失望。完美是我們的敵人。重要的事情要做到完美，其他的事情只要有做到95%就已經很完美了。
p.441 of 808
In 2006, the researchers released a report summarizing their findings, which concluded that “children who were cared for exclusively by their mothers did not develop differently than those who were also cared for by others.” They found no gap in cognitive skills, language competence, social competence ability to build and maintain relationships, or in the quality of the mother-child bond. Parental behavioral factors – including fathers who are responsive and positive, mothers who favor “self-firected child behavior,” and parents with emotional intimacy in their marriages – influence a child’s development two to three times more than any form of child care. One of the findings is worth reading slowly, maybe even twice: “Exclusive maternal care was not related to better or worse outcomes for children. There is, thus, no reason for mothers to feel as though they are harming their children if they decide to work.”
Children absolutely need parental involvement, love, care, time, and attention. But parents who work outside the home are still capable of giving their children a loving and secure childhood.
父母都工作的環境下成長的小孩，和父母親自照顧長大的小孩，在表現上並沒有任何不同。重要的是愛，關心，和父母在小孩成長中的參與，而不是有沒有在家親自照顧小孩。